Beyond Schadenfreude: Understanding the Freudenfreude Meaning and How to Cultivate It

When someone else succeeds, what rises within you first? Do you find yourself delighting in their joy? Or do you notice yourself flicker with satisfaction when others stumble? 

Human emotions can hold both responses.

Two German words capture these contrasting experiences. Schadenfreude (pronounced sha-duhn-froy-duh) and its lesser-known counterpart, freudenfreude (pronounced froy-duhn-froy-duh).

The former refers to the feeling of pleasure at another person’s misfortune, while the latter refers to what happens when we stay with that moment and allow genuine joy for someone else to emerge, even when their win highlights our own unmet hopes.

Delighting in others’ good fortune acts as social glue1. It halts competition and makes relationships feel safer and more mutual, without fear of judgement. This is often described as positivity resonance, where emotional attunement and calm are felt on both emotional and bodily levels happening together, supporting mental and physical well-being.

Since shared happiness can be grown through intention, how can we cultivate freudenfreude in our everyday relationships?

Defining the Joy We Feel for Others

Feeling joy in response to another person’s happiness plays an important role in how relationships and communities hold together. This is because when we can take in someone else’s good news without immediately comparing or competing, it steadies connections and supports cooperation. 

This exchange of joy, both giving and receiving, allows relationships to feel balanced rather than strained. At a deeper level, it reflects our shared need for belonging and support, reminding us that another person’s success does not take away from our own place in the world.

The Difficulty of Embracing Others' Success

But merely knowing the value of shared joy does not always make it easy to practise. 

When someone else receives what we have been longing for, our response can be immediate and visceral. A heaviness may settle in the chest, or a familiar thought surfaces, asking why it was not us this time. These reactions are not signs of failure or ill intent. Instead, they often reflect how deeply we care about our own hopes and efforts.

For some, another person’s success even touches earlier experiences of disappointment or moments of feeling overlooked. When a similar goal has slipped through our hands, it becomes harder to stay open to another’s win. 

Exploring the Roots of Taking Pleasure in Others' Misfortune

At times, when being happy for someone else feels out of reach, a different reaction can surface instead. 

Schadenfreude refers to the flicker of relief or satisfaction that can arise when another person runs into trouble. This is a common human response, especially in settings where comparison is unavoidable, such as politics, workplaces, or competitive social circles. When the pressure is already high, seeing someone else fall short can briefly ease the sense that we are alone in the trenches.

This reaction often has less to do with wishing harm on others and more to do with protecting ourselves when we feel exposed or behind. Research2 also suggests that schadenfreude shows up easily when self-esteem is low or when someone is already feeling worn down. In those states, other people’s successes can feel heavy to carry, and their setbacks can feel oddly reassuring.

Barriers that tend to feed schadenfreude include:

• Comparison: Where others’ outcomes are used to judge our own standing.

• Envy: When someone achieves what we have been hoping for.

• Fear of Inadequacy: When self-worth feels closely tied to performance.

• Competitiveness, especially in environments that reward ranking

• Insecurity: Which can lead to dismissing or downplaying others’ achievements.

The Psychological Price of Negative Celebration

Although many people experience schadenfreude from time to time, research points to a heavier emotional toll when it becomes a common response. In fact, a study published in Psychological Reports3 found that people who leaned toward schadenfreude also reported higher levels of depression, along with a reduced ability to feel joy for others. 

When someone already feels inadequate or worn down, another person’s success can intensify comparison, making it harder to feel happy for them. In those states, finding relief in someone else’s pain may seem comforting, but it does not come without cost since it keeps difficult emotions close and can strain friendships, sometimes pushing people further into isolation. 

Studies on social media echo this pattern, showing that repeated exposure to schadenfreude can erode empathy and lower self-esteem4. 

In contrast, freudenfreude moves emotional energy outward. Sharing in another person’s happiness does not erase hardship, but it allows joy to expand, supporting connection instead of withdrawal.

Practical Ways to Nurture Shared Joy

So, can you overcome feelings of schadenfreude? 

It often starts with honest self-reflection. Noticing when insecurity or self-doubt shows up allows you to choose a productive response, rather than turning away from others’ happiness or letting comparison take over.

1. Turn Joy-Sharing into a Routine

Build joy into your regular check-ins by asking about one recent piece of good news before anything else. Let them speak, then mirror it back clearly by naming what went well and why it matters to them. Over time, this simple habit helps cultivate joy and gratitude without forcing positivity.

2. Savour the Good News

When a friend shares good news, slow the exchange down. Name three specific parts of their story that stand out or feel touching. This practice is sometimes referred to as using savouring scripts, where you stay present with their experience instead of rushing past it, which is often what it means to be happy for someone.

3. Evaluating Personal Emotional Responses

Pay attention to your inner response when different people share good news. Whose wins feel easy to celebrate, and whose bring tension or withdrawal? These patterns can point toward areas where comparison or insecurity still need addressing. 

3. Strengthening Your Personal Foundation

A more assured sense of self makes shared joy easier. Regular gratitude work, such as writing down what you value, what sustains you, and what you have built, can reduce the feeling that someone else’s gain takes something away from you as an individual.

Building a Connected World Through Shared Happiness

Freudenfreude describes the choice to stay open to another person’s happiness, even when it brings up our own discomfort. Practised over time, shared joy can support emotional well-being and make relationships feel safer, rooted in genuine care, while also encouraging an abundance mindset in which connection can flourish by celebrating one another’s successes.

For some, this work brings up hidden patterns shaped by past experiences. Support from our psychologists at TPA, including trauma counselling, can offer a safe space to explore these responses, whether in-person or through online sessions. Over time, while choosing shared happiness does not remove struggle, it allows connection to grow, helping us remain present with ourselves and others.

1 Fraga, J. (2022). The Opposite of Schadenfreude Is Freudenfreude. Here’s How to Cultivate It. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/25/well/mind/schadenfreude-freudenfreude.html

2, 3 Colino, S. (2017). The Roots of Schadenfreude: Why We Take Pleasure in Other People's Pain. U.S. News. https://health.usnews.com/wellness/mind/articles/2017-03-01/the-roots-of-schadenfreude-why-we-take-pleasure-in-other-peoples-pain

4 Fraga, J. (2022). The Opposite of Schadenfreude Is Freudenfreude. Here’s How to Cultivate It. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/25/well/mind/schadenfreude-freudenfreude.html